Ugly Beauty Party
The Slow Notion Team rounds up our essential products for the conditions no one else wants to discuss
By The Slow Notion Team
What’s an “Ugly Beauty Party”?
You’ve probably heard of Avon or Mary Kay parties, or other social gatherings that are contrived for the purpose of selling products, typically under multi-layered marketing schemes. Rather than selling you the latest trendy serums and “miracle” products, we’ve decided to gather around and celebrate the items that help us manage our dandruff, breakouts, excessively dry skin, and vigorous sweating. Some of these conditions cause physical discomfort, but most of them are simply uncomfortable to talk about. Let’s campaign against body shame by opening our minds and medicine cabinets, and discussing the things that bodies do!
Pictured: A cute toad with warts on its body on a green background.
Thwarting Warts
I feel like it's only acceptable to mention warts if you're discussing toads. But humans can have warts, too. The varieties of HPV (human papillomavirus) that cause warts are very common and easily spread through everyday skin contact. For a large part of my childhood I had warts on my hands and feet. I spent many years being ashamed and trying to hide my hands. I felt ugly. As a teen who was very into purity culture, I was also afraid of the association of warts with sex. I tried to get rid of them with the duct tape trick, pumice, nail scissors, and even acid. Nothing seemed to work. It was such a relief when they finally went away, but this year they returned. Just three. I'm trying to accept them and remind myself that they are temporary and very common. And I'm going barefoot a lot less. Related note: I highly recommend getting the HPV vaccine if you can, no matter your age. It has been shown to prevent infection from strains that cause cancers. — Kelsey, Design Resident
“This Fluocinonide Solution addresses a very unglamorous dandruff-y situation. It is my most luxurious skincare product, requiring access to health insurance and a specialty doctor.” — Elise, Community Outreach Resident
Pictured: Elise’s bottle of fluocinonide solution, a prescription for seborrheic dermatitis.
Fighting Flakiness
Since I was a kid I’ve been struggling with a super itchy and flaky scalp that occasionally leaves little scaly dry patches of skin by my ears and eyes. A few years ago, a dermatologist diagnosed this condition as seborrheic dermatitis and prescribed a fluocinonide solution to use on my scalp. It’s done wonders. This solution is not something I would generally talk about as part of my beauty routine because it comes in an ugly plastic bottle with a clinical label and is used to address a very unglamorous dandruff-y situation that I’d rather not talk about. However, this product has not only cleared up the majority of my flakiness, it has also made my previously unbearably itchy skin feel so much more comfortable. I think it’s also worth noting that so much of skincare is rooted in the idea of luxury. While I’ve been a bit embarrassed to talk about this product up until now, it is by far my most luxurious skincare product, requiring access to health insurance and a specialty doctor. — Elise, Community Outreach Resident
Pictured: Anna’s tube of tretinoin and a box of hydrocolloid bandages (both from Taiwan) which are used to treat acne.
Pimple Prodigy
I’ve been struggling with acne since sixth grade (I still do) but the things that have made it better require a prescription (tretinoin and spironolactone) and aren’t easily accessible for a lot of people in the United States. In fact, I get my tretinoin from Taiwan since it’s much cheaper and doesn’t require a prescription. Unfortunately, tretinoin really peels your skin when you start using it and most people get severe purging, so I look like a flaky red pizza monster the first six months of use. Hydrocolloid bandages are another lifesaver for me. At first I felt awkward wearing them out and about, since it isn’t as common in America to do this as it is in Taiwan, and it was embarrassing when the bandages were all white from sucking out the gunk from the acne. But I’ve gotten used to it now. — Anna, Editorial Resident
Pictured: kat’s unprocessed pumice stone for treating heel calluses.
Keeping Up With the Calluses
Like most people who spend time walking around, I get little white crescent-moons of calluses around the edges of my heels. I don’t care about making them invisible, but I do like keeping my feet on the softer and more comfortable side, so about twice a week I’ll go over them with an abrasive pumice stone while I’m in the shower. The stone I use is naturally sourced and unprocessed by a small business in Portland. Once I’m dry, I apply a thick hand lotion to keep everything soft! — kat, Editorial Resident
“Sometimes I glob in a bunch of mayonnaise in my hair. It makes my hair shiny and smooth and the curls pop for hours.” — Kate, Copyeditor
Pictured: Kate’s jar of mayonnaise with avocado oil, which works wonders as a conditioner for her curly hair.
Condiments For Your Curls
Curly-haired people are maybe a bit notorious for putting all kinds of crazy shit in our hair for all kinds of both legitimate and nonsense reasons. Until recently many hair products did not serve us and the best ones are still cane be expensive. What is it like to simply wash your hair with, like, a bar of soap and pull it up into a "messy bun"? What a dream. Sometimes, when I’m feeling especially emotionally resilient, I glob a bunch of mayonnaise onto my hair, let it sit, then wash it out. I feel and smell disgusting while doing it, but my hair is shiny (NEVER HAPPENS OTHERWISE) and smooth and the curls pop for the hours between my shower and when I go to bed and nobody sees them because I’m a hermit. But it's worth it. Maybe. — Kate, Copyeditor
Pictured: Iris’s nail lacquer, recommended by her dermatologist for pitted and splitting nails.
Gnarly Nails
Thanks to a rather unlucky strike in the genetic lottery my nails are a mess. Some of my fingernails have been seriously pitting lately and last year my left big toenail split in half lengthwise — it was as gory as it sounds. Now after showering, I moisturize my toenails, wait for them to dry and then apply a nail lacquer that was recommended by my dermatologist. Then I have to cover my split toenail with a bandage so it doesn’t get caught on things. (Are you shrieking yet?) Before I go to bed I apply the same lacquer on my fingernails and hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, although I’ve definitely reapplied it at 3 am using the flashlight on my phone. Yes, I’m THAT committed to the idea of wearing fun nail polish and sandals again. — Iris, Editorial Resident
Pictured: Phoebe’s knit gloves, which help prevent her from picking at hangnails.
The Perfect Pair
I have dermatillomania, or skin picking disorder. As the name suggests, it is a mental illness characterized by excessive picking at actual or perceived flaws in the skin. For me, this manifests as picking at the skin around my fingernails. I pick to the point of bleeding, and regularly deal with infections. To curb this, I bought a pair of gloves. If I catch myself stuck in a cycle of picking, I’ll put on the gloves to stop the behaviour. This is partially to prevent infections, but mostly it’s to save the appearance of my nails. I know there is more permanent work I need to do to fix this behaviour, but this works in the meantime! — Phoebe, Editorial Resident
“I develop gnarly eczema on my hands that sometimes yields bloody knuckles without the inconvenience of a bar fight. This pine tar and pig fat soap helps ease the symptoms.” — Emma, Design Resident
Pictured: Emma’s bar pine tar and pig fat soap, which helps her manage eczema on her hands.
Bacon Bars
My favorite soap is made out of rendered pig fat, sourced from adorable, happy pigs and raised and processed by two friends who live just outside of town. It’s a pine tar soap, so it has a rich smoky, woodsy scent, laced with a whiff of bacon. I have very dry, sensitive skin, and if I’m not careful with my diet, I develop some pretty gnarly eczema on my hands that sometimes yields bloody knuckles without the inconvenience of a bar fight. The pine tar helps ease and prevent the symptoms, and the pig fat doesn’t dry my skin like glycerin-based soaps. — Emma, Design Resident
“I don’t want to ruin 50+ year old clothing with my overactive sweat glands, so I wear undershirts with extra absorption built into the armpits.” — Haley, Design Systems Lead
Pictured: One of Haley's undershirts with extra absorption built into the armpits for her overactive sweat glands.
Don’t Sweat it!
When I say I sweat a lot, I mean that I sweat to the point that I was on medication to reduce my sweating through most of puberty. My hands would sweat so much it was hard to hold a pencil. Luckily, as an adult the hand sweating has calmed down a bit; however, the sweaty pits are still a huge issue. Now that I primarily wear vintage, protecting my clothes is a high priority to me. I don’t want to ruin 50+-year -old clothing with my overactive sweat glands. I recently discovered undershirts that have extra absorption built into the armpits. My favorite brand is Numi especially since instead of throwing away items with minor flaws they sell them for discounted prices which is the main way I have been able to afford them. A more affordable alternative is Thompson T-Shirts. These shirts shield my vintage clothing from both sweat and body oil and offer the perk of not sweating through shirts at work. — Haley, Design Systems Lead
Pictured: Karrie’s brand new Megababe Thigh Rescue stick for combatting chafing and heat rash.
Beat the Heat
Last summer I broke out with a heat rash for the first time. I had red itchy bumps across my collar bone and inflamed patches on my inner thighs. Walking was excruciating! I hung out with an ice pack between my legs for more than a week. Heat rash is most likely to happen in hot, humid weather when your sweat gets trapped under your skin and causes blisters to form. Areas of the body that experience rubbing, like the inner thighs, are especially susceptible to it. This summer I’m arming myself with Megababe Thigh Rescue and I’m making a bunch of lightweight cotton bloomers to wear under my dresses. I ripped it out of the packaging and rolled it on the minute it arrived (just in time for an upper 90s heatwave in New York). I love the silky glide that it creates; no more panic about my thighs rubbing. — Karrie, Executive Editor
Editor: Anna Hou | Designer: Kelsey Wolf | Copy Editor: Kate Frankowicz
Want to contribute to the blog?
Keep Reading
