The Beauty of Being “Enough”
As an immigrant and woman of color, finding my community helped me repair my burnout from years of striving to fit in
Pictured: Sarah sits on a pillow, eyes closed and legs crossed as though in meditation. Behind her is a bookshelf with books and a printer on the shelves.
By Sarah Osman, Wellness Coach for Women of Colour & Co-Founder of Together Thriving
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In 2020, I experienced beauty in a whole new way. I wasn’t really expecting it. I didn’t know I needed it, but it impacted me deeply and changed the way I see and feel about myself.
I was born and raised in Mauritius, an island east of Madagascar (worth the Google search if you’ve never heard of it). With our history of colonialism and indentured labour, Mauritius went from being an uninhabited island to a beautiful melting pot of people, cultures and languages from many regions surrounding the Indian Ocean. As a bilingual, multiracial woman of color, I’ve often felt like I can fit anywhere, yet still experience feelings of “not enoughness” and not belonging at the same time.
At the age of 19, I made a big move to Ontario, Canada to pursue my undergraduate degree in kinesiology at the University of Guelph. As human beings, we naturally desire a sense of belonging. I wanted to belong in my new home and environment; however, as a first-generation immigrant, I didn’t realize how deep my fear of not belonging was. Over the years, I slowly changed things — like the way I speak — to “fit in better.” I’d give myself a pat on the back every time someone would say to me, “Wow, you don’t have an accent” when they found out that I didn’t grow up in Canada because I thought, “Hey, I’m fitting in!”
Looking back now, it seems wild to me that I changed certain things about myself in order to feel a sense of belonging, but I’ve since learned it was a type of coping mechanism for survival; an instinct to do what I felt I needed to do at the time to belong to a community. However, I still had this nagging feeling of not belonging.
It took me a while to understand the connection between the feeling of not-enoughness and the burnout I experienced at 27. The tricky part about the desire to fit in is that it’s hard to say “no” to others and to things that do not resonate with who you are and how you function at your core. At the time, I didn’t realize that all the small changes I made were coming from a place of “should” (I should do this vs I want to do this) and were slowly pulling me away from doing things in a way that felt more natural to me. That can be very draining, to a point where I left like I was living life on autopilot.
Fast forward to May 2020 when I came across an online community that was exclusively for women entrepreneurs of color. I had spent so much time and energy trying to fit in spaces that did not represent me and it suddenly dawned on me that I had never thought of joining a community for women of color before — online or in real life. That blew my mind! In fact, before I clicked the “request to join” button, I remember thinking, “Am I ‘woman of color’ enough to belong here?” Of course I was, but my feeling of not enoughness blocked me from seeing it.
Within a few days of being in this new community, I felt seen and heard in ways that I never had before. I saw my experiences being validated. For the first time, in what felt like a long time, I was able to show up whole. I finally felt like I was enough. I had heard quotes like “beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin” or “it’s nice to just embrace the natural beauty within you” but I don’t think I really understood what that meant until now.
I always thought that my search for beauty had to be a journey I do somewhat alone, whether it is through finding a foundation that actually matches my skin color or building self-confidence to embrace my natural beauty. Instead I found beauty and acceptance of self in community, a natural beauty tip I had never thought of, that ultimately inspired the co-creation of Together Thriving, a wellness collective where women and femmes of color can come together to cultivate connections between one another and discuss shared experiences that highlight the intersection of cultural identity and wellness.
The more I started to embrace who I am (rather than following what others were doing or telling me I should do), the more I started to reconnect to my body because I felt safe. It’s a strange but beautiful thing when you become present in your body and switch from being in that survival mode to a state of thriving. You become more in tune with the innate wisdom of your body and what it is communicating with you. When you take the time to sit with how something feels in your body, you begin to learn what feels good and what doesn’t for you. As you get familiar with this process, explore how you can lead and make decisions from that place; from a place that makes you feel good rather than from a sense of obligation. I feel honored to now coach other women of color to design a lifestyle that centers their health, energy and joy.
When I first started to learn about mindfulness practices, there were so many to try that I often found I’d really get into a journaling practice or meditation for a week or two and then drop it. I was frustrated that I couldn’t be consistent in my mindfulness practice but then I realized I was going about it wrong. Here is something I learned that I now like to teach to my clients when it comes to building their own mindfulness toolkit:
1. List out the different self-care and mindfulness tools that have been successful for you and/or add any new ones you feel drawn to try!
2. Beside each item, write down a few words that describe how this item helps you. For example: Meditation = feeling peaceful, grounded, relaxed; walks = connection to nature, more energized.
3. Each day, ask yourself two questions: A) “How am I feeling physically and mentally today?” B) “What do I need most of right now?”
4. Refer to your list and choose the mindfulness practice that fits your needs on that day
By taking this inventory, I realized that picking up and dropping different practices was never about not having enough discipline or motivation to stay consistent, but instead about becoming more aware of what my mind and body needed, and honoring that more often. I heard from a few clients that this tweak helped them take the pressure off and feel more confident in taking control of their wellness routine. If you choose to give it a try, let me know how it turns out!
If I can leave you with a few last words of wisdom, I’ll say this: I hope that you find a space where you feel safe to be you in all your beauty and when you do, let your community show you how beautiful you are in their eyes, too. If you can’t find that space, don’t be afraid to build your own table. It’s been a dream to watch Together Thriving evolve from a one-time virtual wellness summit to monthly virtual community events and now turning these life-changing conversations into a podcast. While we have decided to postpone our annual summit to February 2022, I sure hope you’ll join us if this sounds like the space you have been looking for.
Editor: Phoebe Bates | Designer: Emma Geddes | Copy Editor: Katie Frankowicz | Communication/Support/Outreach: Phoebe Bates
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